寻找缺乏幸福病的解药

Sometimes, I just feel like I am at the wrong place doing the wrong things. As much as my interests lay on the media productions, I just can’t feel any passion towards my studies now.

In fact, I am envious and jealous of people who are actually doing the AUTHEUTIC 2D animation in their course.

Screw Maya. It’s not the first time I hate it anyway. But SCREW IT! WHY AM I EVEN DOING 3D GRAPHICS?!

Why the hell am I even here? I admit 3D graphics are cool and everything in hit now but I always think that 2D ANIMATION WAS MY GOAL. But then again… after months and months, my passion has gone down a great deal. Now I am not even sure 2D animation is going to be what I am going to do in the future.

I am confused. =\

I don’t even know it’s possible to survive with my skills and passion at this point of time. This feeling sucks to core man. Seriously, I think I am screwing up my life.

If only I am rich. DAMN.

LOL @ JUNSU!!! Bigeaststation psychological tests always crack me up so much. XD

[credits: dbsgdec @ soompi]

Bigeastation15 — Psych test! Junsu and Changmin’s MENTAL AGE
[Yoochun] Question: Right now, right infront of you is an apple tree. How many apples are there on that tree?
[Junsu] This is a bit tricky… ONE!
[Changmin] One?
[Junsu] Yes, one!
[Changmin] Why so, Junsu?
[Junsu] Why, because I was thinking one might be better.
[Yoochun] What about Junsu.. no! Changmin, Changmin?
[Changmin] If one apple is taken then…
[Junsu] It has to be quantity again, right?
[Changmin] Of course its quantity! More! Only then it is a real apple tree.
[Junsu] How many?
[Changmin] Before its 10, so now its 100.
[Junsu] A hundred? So…
[Junsu] Answer?
[Yoochun] Ok, answer. This psychological test represents your…
[Changmin] What?
[Junsu] What is it?
[Yoochun] MENTAL AGE!
*laughter ^^*
[Junsu] Am I one year old?
[Changmin] Junsu one year old!
[Junsu] This is… Changmin is…
[Yoochun, Changmin] 100 years old!
[Junsu] That sure is old. Changmin, he has a mature face and his mental age is also very… advance.
[Changmin] Speaking of that, Junsu’s mental age is…
[Yoochun] The one year old…
[Junsu] I am the one year old Junsu, yes. XD

Bigeastation15 — Psych test! If TVXQ talk to an ALIEN?
[Changmin] All of a sudden, in front of, you a UFO…
[Junsu] UFO, ah…
[Yoochun] U-FO…
[Changmin] A UFO appears and out came an alien. If the alien talks, what would you say to it?
[Junsu] I would…? To an alien?
[Changmin] If there is an alien.
[Yoochun] A UFO space alien.
[Changmin] Uh. Anything is fine.
[Junsu] “Soccer suki?” ( “Do you like soccer?”) * LOL ^^
*laughter ^^
[Changmin] Ok, Yoochun?
[Yoochun] “Soccer suki??”
[Junsu] “Do you know about soccer?” or “Do you like soccer?”
[Yoochun] For me, I’d say “We are Tohoshinki!”
[Junsu] Is that so? That isn’t bad. Why? Why are you laughing?
[Yoochun] “We are Tohoshinki.” or…
[Junsu] “We are Tohoshinki.” For me, “Do you like soccer?”
[Yoochun] What is it, The answer?
[Changmin] The question, actually, is what you’d say to the opposite gender. *HAHAHHAA
[Yoochun] Eh? To the opposite gender?
[Junsu] Saying “Do you like soccer?”… to the opposite gender??
[Changmin] The first time meeting Junsu, he goes “Do you like soccer?”
[Yoochun] I…
[Junsu] Suddenly..
[Yoochun] Me…
[ALL] “We are Tohoshinki!”
*hahhahaa
[Junsu] That was pretty fun~
[Yoochun, Changmin] That was really fun!
[Junsu] I’ve always wanted to do this.
^^

trans crdt to : goess

I tend to have this weird habit of skipping lessons (especially my Japanese lessons) whenever it’s a lesson before a test on the next. Should it be me being not passionate enough? Not concerned with it enough? Or… I don’t know, I’m just plain lazy?

=\

Blahs. Whatever so. *shrugs*

Haha. But yeah, I don’t think anyone will care how many lessons I skipped anyway. I am just bored thus I am writing nonsense again. It’s not really a good thing for me to have a lot free time in my hand, because I can’t help it but to slack and rot like nobody’s business. That’s why I am writing crap now, you see. lol.

I ain’t really a passionate person, maybe that’s why I enjoy slacking at home more than anything else. Quite an irritant characteristic of me, I know. Because I can always feel lazy to do anything, even family or friends can’t surpass my self-centered-ness. The fact is… I don’t really bother.

Maybe I need some hot-blooded genes. LOL!

Okay, third post? Or fourth? of the day? =\

Yeah man, I feel so lazy to talk these days but I just can’t help it to keep typing non-stop. Weird… =\ Sigh. Sianz… But I just need to rant out somewhere!!!!!!!!!

Cuz it’s really frustrating to see your own money keep disappearing, and then you will keep seeing food, clothes and stuffs appearing everywhere. =.=

I swear, I wasn’t that of a spendthrift before I know how to shop online, or maybe even before I have iBanking. TMD. I think I am going broke because of this 2 reasons lor! >_< But somehow, friends are tempting me with things too. BLAHS!!!! DAMN SAD.

Or is it me who has this problem of self-control?

ARGH!!!! I need to change back to my old self - the orh-biang and money-minded me, then maybe I could save all the money back into my account. =((((

Bluhs. So sianz to see credit everywhere in my bank book without any debit. =.=

I can totally bang the wall. =\

I am even scared to ask my mom to help me update it… because I am seriously spending too much this 2 months.

I need to save up!!! SAVE UP!!! SAVE UP!!! =((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I don’t know why things become this way, but is it just so awkward for me? I must have dug those stupid pits and jump in without hesitation. This is getting weirder and weirder.

Hmmmmmm… I think people will be very pissed off with me after reading this entry. =\

It’s impossible to force me to talk when I don’t want to, because I will just simply keep quiet and let the atmosphere to be awkward to death. =\ That’s probably one of my ways to get people to shut up though. Hahs. =X

And… as I am going to be PMS-ing for the next few days due to monthly girls’ problem, I guess I will just let the situation be as dead as now, cuz I have no energy to act nice now.

For some reasons, I am really fussy when it comes to people’s character. And yeah… here’s top 10 (not ranked accordingly).

Characteristics I hate:

1] Complaining to me like I am a trash bin (which my mom totally did to me) and gets me overloaded with it. Eventually, the overloading will lead to my burst and then I will just start to stay away from this kind of people.

2] Repeating the same stuff over and over again. It just gets on my nerves, just that I don’t usually say out or show it.

3] Acts like they know me well. Cuz I swear! NO ONE ever knows me, even myself.

4] Try to control me. Well, literally.

5] Tell me things that is totally NONE OF MY BUSINESS. *roll eyes*

6] Jump into conclusions when they don’t even know what REALLY happened.

7] Say sorry after they hurt others deeply (i.e. isolating them). It’s pretty useless actually, I will just stay a bit of distance away from these people and lead my own life.

8] Acts like they’re my good friend when we’re just… normal acquaintances. Obviously friends don’t usually get courteous with each other, I don’t understand why some idiots don’t get it when my distant-ness is so freaking obvious.

9] Bitching A LOT like WTF?

10] NOTHING, I just can’t click with them naturally.

I really don’t want to be like this but I just don’t want to face the confrontations that I wouldn’t be able to answer. I just want to keep quiet and lead my life, what’s so wrong about it? AND YEA, I AM ESCAPING BASICALLY.

Blehx. I feel so tired about these and I really don’t like people guilt-trapping me.

And yeah… I am kinda pissed off when people thinks that I MUST be nice and kind, which is like… O_O wth is wrong with you!

WHERE THE HELL DID YOU SEE THE ANGEL WINGS ON ME??? *roll eyes* The wings just belong to the devil who’s disguised in me. PLEASE ERASE THE HALO IN UR MIND, I AM NOT AT ALL A HOLY SAINT.

Tell me what’s supposed to be right and what’s supposed to be wrong? Sorry that I just can’t understand, seriously. I thought this is my life, my thoughts and my decisions.

EMO MODE.

Can’t stop listening to Sodagreen’s songs now…

Oh gosh. I always have this weird syndrome when I want to listen to songs, I just keep playing it non-stop on my laptop and then I will start to glare at it and don’t know where to surf as I am always online watching videos instead of looking at things without sound/music. I can’t stand it when there’s nothing playing into my ears, it’s so frustrating and one more thing is… I will be caught by my mom to talk about her problems, like WTH? So I will always put on my precious headphone and blast the music. XD

I really can’t stand people who repeats the same old thing every single time, it’s simply frustrating. This hatred is especially serious these days… especially after *uh-hrmp* incident, I am just totally turned off by these things EVEN MORE.

But maybe it’s because I am always watching videos, I kinda can’t stand myself for not doing anything online when I am only using my ears to listen. I NEED STUFF TO LOOK AT. BUT GUESS WHAT!? I HAVE NTH BUT DRAMAS TO BE WATCHED! =(((( damn sad!

I even started to play neopets, which I have not been playing ever since my secondary times! My eyes are so bored… =\ And now… I am blogging like crap. bluhs. damn sianz… Cuz I really have nth to say but I just want to do something. lalalala~~~

Tempted to read those online novels that I bookmarked though, but I just feel so lazy to continue reading on computer. It just feel weird… cuz I always like books to be in my hands so that I can bring it everywhere, read it at any position. BUT I CAN’T DO THAT TO ONLINE NOVELS!!!!!!! bluhs.

OMG. THIS IS SUCH A BORING ENTRY. SORRY PEOPLE WHO WANTS ENTERTAINMENT FROM MY BLOG CUZ I AM REALLY BORED NOW.

Haha. I feel so lazy to blog about this, but yeah… here I am with the late update. ^^|||

WOOTS!!! Finally got most of the pictures from dears. Hahaha… =P

Actually we went for overnight kbox during the first sunday of my 2 weeks break (which is NOT a break at all)!!! XD It’s uber crazy that I have to go back to school in the next morning (I booked at 9am) to edit my video. Haha.. But then again, I only went to school in the afternoon. =X So yar… anyways… PHOTOS!

^ Our camera woman setting up camera (on my precious water bottle) to shoot our faces!!! XD

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想了很久，情绪也平静了许久，还是决定写这篇文。

可能有些人会觉得我不该写这些东西，但是有些事情我觉得还是要说清楚一点好。虽然我不知道哪个谁会看到我这篇文，又下了什么结论；也或许有一天我会后悔写这些东西，但是我还是要说。

其实我脾气也没多好，我妈甚至认为我的坏脾气总有一天会害死我自己，所以请不要认为我是个有多好的人。因为我也非——常——讨——厌，甚至厌——恶——被说成是个大好人似的。

我——根——本——没——那——个——意——愿——当。

以前，总会不赞成 XY 所常说的 “人性本恶”，但如今⋯⋯我亦是如此。

当我的忍耐到了极限⋯⋯或者是说，某些人做了某些事情触及到了我的地雷，那我只能说声”对不起“，因为我无法再用以往笑容甚至是包容去面对这些人。在我的字典里，“灰色地带” 从来都不曾占有过我的整个世界。我无法假惺惺地还和不喜欢的人装成像好朋友一样，对不起，

我从来都不适合演戏，更何况这是我的世界、我的真实。

这样的关系也只剩下了尴尬和难堪。

交朋友本来就是以心交心的关系，我并不认为它有多复杂、多难懂。如果是朋友，尽管有什么不满也只会私下和他说一下，而不会背地里捅刀。而当自己对那人有过多不满时，我早已认为那样根本不算什么友情了。所以一直不明白为何会有一种人，能背地里在说他人（也就是他口中的 “朋友”）的坏话／难听的话后，还能笑嘻嘻地在那可怜的 “朋友” 面前装亲密。而那友人还傻傻的，被蒙在鼓里。不仅在这人被众人唾弃时，挺身帮腔、说尽好话，而且还把这人当成里头最最要好的 “朋友”！

你说，气不气人？！

那种想说出他的真面目的冲动和不能说的理智不停地在我脑中拔河，剩下的我只能暗自生气、不服。

而我最最不能明白的就是，这个人为何会认为我是 ”好人“，而一直粘着我和另个朋友？好笑的是，他为何不会认为他这些虚伪会让我极度厌恶，而继续在我面前大肆地贬低别人、说他人的不是？

骂句脏话：靠北啦！

如果我是好人，这世界上大概也找不到坏人了吧？！有够白目！

讨厌明明不亲近的人和我装亲密。
讨厌在别人背后捅刀，却还可以和那人装朋友。

讨厌在现实生活中还需要演戏，装疯卖傻。

真的无法容忍了⋯⋯恕我也无法假装没事下去了。

或许有些人这辈子也只仅只是君子之交（淡如水）罢了。

各位小朋友也不要天真了，这世界根本没有所谓的好人！

天生如此，何必改变。

Rules of game:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Ok, Lets start:

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

wah… first question is already so cheesy. *evil grins* anyway, yah… i can’t accept betrayal and i am not someone who will let the matter rest. i might revenge on him before i dump him drastically. MWHAHAHAHAH!!!! if i have the chance… =)

#2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

not sure. otaku till the end of my life? don’t feel like gg to school these days. haha. =P

#3. What will your dream wedding be like?

er… wedding? i don’t want one. it’s too much of a hassle. =\

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?

Probably… especially there’s so much happenings in ___________ these days that I feel like I am in the wrong place doing the wrong things.

#5. What’s your ideal lover like?

Ideal… 180cm above. XD haha. someone who’s able to understand my alien language and thinking and loves me until he dies. ^^

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

not sure… shall try that out someday.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

why should i wait? can’t i just follow him everywhere (as in if we are gg to separate in different countries, i will go with him)?

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

SAD!!! then give up. then bioooo another guy. ROFL!

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

YEAH!!!! SADLY YES!!!!

#10.Who makes your day?

KODOMO!!! Cuz she’s entertaining (yo!)

#11. What do you feel right now while doing this?

WTF @ KODOMO

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?

OTAKU. lol. XD

#13. Who are currently the most important people to you?

NO ONE. I AM SELFISH. *roll eyes*

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

TOTALLY A KODOMO + COMEDIAN + WEIRDO + HYPER + NOISY. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?

single and rich lah. who wants to suffer with a guy that u have to put up with for the rest of ur life and still being poor? super sad can!

#16. What is the first thing you do every morning?

open my eyes? …

#17. Would you give all in a relationship?

not sure. maybe not. i can’t commit if i can’t feel the other party’s commitment. i think it’s tiring to give all in a relationship and gets nth in return and even loses ur own life. =\

#18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

er………………………. =.= this is so difficult. haha. date none of them. i hate commitments. =P

#19. What type of friends do you like?

sincere and understanding

#20. What type of friends do you dislike?

fakers

Tagging:

1) (STUPID LOR, I FEEL LIKE TAGGING KODOMO AGAIN)
2) Sarah
3) Huka (i doubt she even have time to do this…)
4) Yingx

Hahaha… this quiz is just in time to kill my rotting time at home, despite I still have loads of things to do. *coughs guiltily* But oh wells… HAHA!

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list. list them down at the end of your post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she is tagged.

1. Why are you doing this quiz?

Cuz Sarah tagged me and I am BORED.

2.What is your most favorite thing to do?

宅到天荒地老～ LOL!

3.Three things you plan to do before you diee!

Ermmmmm… (Count this as one) Watch Mayday, TVXQ & Soda Green concerts!!!! Then… HAVE A UBER CUTE SOULMATE WHO IS WILLING TO DIE WITH ME! XD *pervert* and and and… donate blood!!! ^^

4.If you have a close close close close friend since childhood who loves to take away whatever you like, including guys/girls, and he/she always wins, will you consider him/her your friend?

ER…. WHO IS THAT STUPID? HAHA!

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

Hmmmmmm… lol. Find my soulmate. ^^

6.Do you believe you can survive without money?

Without money? Hmmmmm… probably, but someone has to get me my survival food!!! XD

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?

MYSELF. (I hate people now so yar…)

8.If you win $1 million, what would you do?

SPEND THEM ALL OR DONATE IT OR ELSE BURN THEM, I DON’T WANT TO GET ROBBED. No lah! Just joking… probably donate some, then spend some (for tours) and save some. Heh.

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

UNLESS HE CONFESSED FIRST! XD

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.

SARAH? She’s… er… humorous and has her own unique way of thinking. OH! She’s obsessed with baking, aikido and japanese but probably hates chinese now because of school work. rofl. =P

11.What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

UNDERSTANDING and someone who I can never get sick of. ^^

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?

Wow. You want me to list the whole chunk of attributes that I hate in a person?! HAHA.

13.What is your ambition?

*roll eyes* ambition is a word too big for someone like me. =)

14. Go karting or the abseiling?

wtf. I am not a sporty person so NO THANKS. =X

15.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

Nothing.

16.If you have to choose between career and family, which will you choose?

I am sort of rebelling my family now so I am sooo not going to choose it but I really hate the idea of choosing career over family cuz it just sounds so pathetic. =\

17.If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?

Why should I? O_O

18.Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?

Erms… no one? Cuz I really sucks at talking about my problems to people so I would rather write my blog entries than repeating the same things to people. =D

19.Where is the place that you haven’t gone before but hope to go?

Hmmmmm… ANY PLACE THAT I CAN GAIN MORE EXPERIENCE AND THINK MORE.

20.Two people you admire/look up to.

Erms. =\ erms. =| erms. =( NONE?

People to be tagged: I don’t think anyone I know is going to do this survey due to the buzzing projects and stuff going around so yar… Basically, just anyone who wants to do this. ^^